I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
