A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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