Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
