Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
