I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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