Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize