We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
