you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
