mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
