watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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