I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
