i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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