i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
