i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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