we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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