kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
