Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
