im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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