I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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