3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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