Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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