you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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