I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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