he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
