Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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