They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So much rum. So many feels.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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