new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
