I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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