I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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