my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
