i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
