people are starting to question the shark bite story
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
