he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
