He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
