I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
