would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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