So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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