So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
