Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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