I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
