If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
