You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
