hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
