someone get that fucking seahorse.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
