I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
