Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
