as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
