Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
