I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
