He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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