I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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