Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
