whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
sarcasm needs its own font
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Randomize
