so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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