Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We talked him into tasing himself.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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