Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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