She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
