Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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