then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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