He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
