Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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