you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
