Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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