He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
