I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
