nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
