i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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