i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize