How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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