Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
