I wish you could order shots online.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
