youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
