So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
