He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
