I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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