i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
