I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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