I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize