dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
