Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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