1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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