Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
