Already got asked if we're dating
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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