yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
